My mom died on Monday 26th May 2014 after a long struggle with Scleroderma that lasted 24 years after her diagnosis. Doctors say it is a miracle that she survived that long, but all I can think of is how fast she was taken away from me. We were so close, like best friends. We literally read each other’s thoughts and completed each other’s sentences. We both felt what each was hiding deep inside. I miss her dearly and I find it very difficult to move on. My question is, how does one move on after losing a part of you?
Due to her disease, my mother was incapable of doing things on her own so I helped her out most if not all the time. It did not bother me, but the relationship transformed from me being her daughter to her being mine. I felt responsible for her well-being and all my life revolved around her. Many people say that this situation was unfair to me because I wasn’t living my life. What many don’t understand is that she was my life. Now that she’s gone, I don’t want to go out and have fun because no matter where I go I remember her being there with me and how much fun we used to have together. People don’t understand this relationship and never will, many believe I was taking care of her out of obligation but I wasn’t, it was out of love.
Some days I am fine and happy and able to move on, but other days like this one I feel unable to breathe and nothing makes me content. They say time will make it all go away and I will get preoccupied with my life, but for me time just makes it worse.
I understand that death is a part of life, and I’m not the only one who has lost a mother. Some lose them when they are born or at a younger age than mine. Nonetheless, the feeling is the same and the loss of someone dear to you is unbearable. What makes me reluctant to speak my feelings around the people I know is because I know the comforting words they all will say to make me feel better, and that is not what I want to hear. Sometimes, all one needs is to get their thoughts out without any comments from anyone. So I thought why not blog about it! I know that my life does not seem that interesting or exceptional, but what I have to say might relate to someone else’s and perhaps that person will know that they are not the only ones who are feeling this way.
My question to readers is, how can one move on after losing someone so dear to their heart, however please provide different answers than the routine ones we are all used to hearing. If you were in my place and had similar feelings towards someone, it doesn’t have to be a parent, how do you get back up on the horse?